In many ways, I've been longing for today to come because the final exams were taking a toll on me. Every day I would be holed up in the room (a record breaking six days in a row of not going out of the house) and facing the piles and piles of notes to revise. I dreaded looking at the clock as each ticking second would leave me with less time to revise before the day of the exam.
The disappointment of last week's Progress Test haunted me for two days until God reminded me that I should not look back into the past but look ahead into the future. For we live not in the chains of the past. In a sense, I was afraid of history repeating itself. The enemy would try to plant lies in my mind, telling me that my next paper would be difficult, I would go through a mental block and forget all that I have studied.
But, God is so so good because I refused to let the negativity of the situation bring me down and He allowed me to rise again. The day before today's exam, I was able to sing songs of worship ( He even gave me a new song on Sunday!), laugh and be joyful just as if there wasn't an exam today. Yes, I was stressed because there was a lot to cover but I did not allow it to overwhelm me. Just yesterday I was reading Isaiah 35:4:
"Say to those who are fearful hearted, Be strong, do not fear. Behold, your God will come with a vengeance, With the recompense of God, He will come and save you."
There is a beautiful song written by Bob Fitts that I grew up listening to whose lyrics are taken from this verse, I was singing it out and trusting that my God who is mighty to save will indeed, save me.
This morning as I took the bus to the exam venue, and even before the exam started, I was in total peace. I had His peace that surpasses all understanding. (Romans 4:7). My nerves weren't frazzled and I wasn't panicky although I hadn't finish studying everything. And even as I answered the questions, He gave me the peace to slowly think and not panic when tackling certain tricky questions. Praise God!
When I think back on all these years, through all the exams I sat for, through all the dark nights and fearful moments, I can only reflect and remember the outrageous faithfulness of God. He has seen me through every single time, without fail. I am humbled by His mercy and grace.
I have many more years to go in this course and it will be an uphill climb from now on, but I know God will lead me through all the way. And at the end of this journey, the victory is mine. And God to be glorified. I am just a vessel used by Him to reflect His glory. I pray that I will be humbled every single day, living only for Him, stripping off the 'self' in me but filling it with Him alone.
God is loving and kind. He did not only stay by my side throughout this intensive revision period and ultimately the exam itself, He sent so many wonderful people into my life to encourage, pray, support and show love and concern towards me. I always believe that the love of God that shines through acts of kindness and compassion by His people is something so precious and to be treasured. And as the receiver of this gift, I am very blessed. Thank You God for Your amazing love!
* * *
Have been reading Colin Urquhart's book 'Faith For The Future', one of the few books I took from the library at King's. The last chapter had this paragraph which I find especially profound.
"To live a life that is holy is to live a life of love. Such a life cannot be the accomplishment of self-effort; it can only happen through the Holy Spirit being manifested in the weakness of our human nature. That involves not only the constant indwelling of the Holy Spirit, but also the continuing empting of self."
This will be my prayer each day. Whatever time I have on this earth is to be used to fulfil His purposes for my life and to achieve those purposes, I need the Holy Spirit to guide me and lead me. I want to carry the aroma of Christ and touch lives with the fragrance of His love. To allow Him to whisper into my ear and put things in my heart. And yes, I need to continuously die to my flesh and LIVE IN THE SPIRIT.
Also, Tozer in his book, 'The Knowledge of the Holy' said,
"There is a glorified man on the right hand of the Majesty in heaven faithfully representing us there. We are left for a season among men; let us faithfully represent Him here."
Amen.
